Thought Vomit

"I haven't been HERE in a while...!" the blogger said with the joyful awe you can only get by visiting an old, familiar place. She decided to dust the shelves and start writing.

Lately all I've been drawing are Neopets. It is silly how much these made-up creatures mean to me. I love them.
Phinble and Saaburu. The effortless painted-no-shading-black-outline style is wonderful.

My boyfriend and I's small business is now a legitimate business with a legitimate website. Much work is ahead for us.

Speaking of Stark, things are hard for him. Somehow I feel that my easy-ass life thus far has put me in a great position to help him. What I mean to say is that I feel like this moment, this beautiful human being, is my reason for being here. His hard life balances my one that I've coasted through. I, being the stronger person (in some aspects), will support him. I see his potential. I see the fire in his eyes. I love him and will help him always. Feeling this way feels like being alive.

Here are some random tidbits from my new "Random Poetic Thoughts Journal". I often have little poetic rantings or bouts of colorful language. I decided to buy a journal to write them down in.
"It's one of those futile feelings. When you're searching for something, even though your rational brain knows where you left it and that is isn't there. Your hands still sift through your pockets, purse, backpack. Maybe it's just the principal of the thing. You feel like you need to look for it anyway due to its importance. Such is the stubbornness of the human habit. "

"Someone honked at me while I was driving today. It was dark, raining, the light was red, I stopped to look to turn right. There it was: a car's horn behind me. Distant and cruel, something that demands angry attention. Car horns were designed for letting other cars know about potentially dangerous things... 'Don't back into me,' 'stop', 'watch out'. But we have turned them into on-road, language-less curses... Angry and anonymous yelling. Whenever I hear a car's horn, my mind snaps into frantic and guilty thoughts. What did I do wrong? Am I not doing what I'm supposed to? Even if the noise wasn't meant for me, it gets me on edge. That person had an ISSUE with me. After that, my mind tricks me into thinking everyone's got a bone to pick with me. The man sitting in the parking lot booth is displeased with the speed I'm going. The person parked next to me thinks I am too close. Right here: the embodiment of a common paranoia. I hate driving. "

"The sound of rain is absolutely different every moment you hear it. Technically, every drop is different and hits a different spot on the ground, the plants, the umbrellas, the cars... So it should logically make its own special sound. The really beautiful thing about it is that it doesn't."

I hope you got something out of them. :)
Be safe everyone.

Some Happy Things

This song makes me cry every time I hear it.
My mother used to sing the first verse to me as a lullaby. On one hand I think it is funny, because the character thinks about women and drinking, and it amuses me that my mother would find this suitable for a lullaby. But on the other hand, I find this song irresistably beautiful. Every time I hear it, sing it, or even read the lyrics: I tear up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EoNd_maBbY

---

Here is another warm-fuzzy.
Cast aside all previous bias, all rational thought, and embrace the child-like and simply charming writing of Edward Lear.
(Poem and image credit: http://www.nonsenselit.org/Lear )



I
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,
'Good gracious! how you hop!
Over the fields and the water too,
As if you never would stop!
My life is a bore in this nasty pond,
And I long to go out in the world beyond!
I wish I could hop like you!'
Said the duck to the Kangaroo.

II
'Please give me a ride on your back!'
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.
'I would sit quite still, and say nothing but "Quack,"
The whole of the long day through!
And we'd go to the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,
Over the land and over the sea;--
Please take me a ride! O do!'
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.



III
Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
'This requires some little reflection;
Perhaps on the whole it might bring me luck,
And there seems but one objection,
Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold,
Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,
And would probably give me the roo-
Matiz!' said the Kangaroo.



IV
Said the Duck ,'As I sate on the rocks,
I have thought over that completely,
And I bought four pairs of worsted socks
Which fit my web-feet neatly.
And to keep out the cold I've bought a cloak,
And every day a cigar I'll smoke,
All to follow my own dear true
Love of a Kangaroo!'

V
Said the Kangaroo,'I'm ready!
All in the moonlight pale;
But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady!
And quite at the end of my tail!'
So away they went with a hop and a bound,
And they hopped the whole world three times round;
And who so happy, -- O who,
As the duck and the Kangaroo?

---

It really is the little things that help me get through the day. (And by "day" I mean "my 4-hour gap between classes at school".)

Episode III: An Update

Stanley. He's my muse.
Seriously, though, how could a stuffed animal turkey vulture with a fake moustache NOT be inspiring? Just look at this mug! That fashionable neck ruff, his cute little beady eyes... ahh. What a fine figure of a stuffed animal.




It is also crucial to rememer that You Can Always Trust a Snake. Especially yellow eyelash vipers, which may me the cutest venomous animal ever. I have decided this and thus it shall be. (I mean, really... eyelashes. Need I say more?)



These two are painted on a wonderful (albeit odd) surface called aquaboard. It's a super-absorbant, stiff, sort of toothy board that is all sorts of wonderful. The paints soak in quickly, but I find that you can almost always go back over it with a stiff brush and water to blend. I'm a fan.
AQUABOARD! Check it out if you like watercolors or goache.

And now, for a new episode of Maranda's life.

My New Job
I am now a dog grooming assistant! No more fried food, grease spills, incompetant managers, or unhappy shifts. I basically get paid to hang out with dogs all day and I earn a 40% commission from all my sales. I am blissing out about this, for sure. I must have racked up some excellent karma to get this gig. All six months of my suffering at the deli led to this! The world can be a fair place to be, after all. Between the puppies, people, and clean atmosphere... this new job is wonderous. Plain and simple. Life is looking up. I have also learned that English bulldog puppies are sleepiness incarnate. They get nap attacks like nobody's business. That kind of cuteness is unfair. It really is.

My Skin
Ever heard of burrows solution? Smells like: vinegar. Feels like: pond water! Makes my skin feel like: a goddess's.
Soaking cotton material in the solution and wearing it (cold, wet, jumping into a mountain lake at 3am) at first was not fun. Miserable, even. I have to do this odd treatment because of my dermatologist. Upon visiting him, I was told that I was to a) avoid Stark's house because of the cats and b) chill out! Because the stress was making my skin worse. So every day since then, I woke up early and jumped into a black garbage bag sandwich: burrows-solution-soaked cotton pajamas and me being the meaty bits. Cold! Cold! But half an hour later I was leaping out and moisturizing like a madwoman. The morning and evening ritual gives me time to reflect (and watch the best anime ever: Mushi-Shi). I find that waking up at 5:30am, slipping into icy clothes, and sitting still for half an hour gives me time to wake up and clear my mind. When I rush out of the door in the morning due to waking up 20 minutes before I have to be out the door, I find it hard to finalize thoughts or regard events with any significance. I float through my day in a haze and end up quite grumpy because of it. As odd as it sounds, freezing my butt off every morning really gets the juices flowing! (And wow, did that sound odd.)

That is all for now, friends.
Oh, and also, you should buy Dice Sprites for your friends for Christmas. Or whatever winter gift-giving holiday you celebrate.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/claymancers

Necessary Evil

Lately, on Facebook, some friends (and others) have been involved in heated debates. This is my response to it.



Making a tough decision-- to change your mind, to prevent a travesty, to save yourself-- does not make you a monster. It does not make you a beast, unholy, or immoral. Sometimes life calls for hard decisions. Understanding that some evils are necessary is fundamental to understanding each other as human beings. Life is hard, and we often make decisions we do not want to make.

It makes me SO sad that we continue to argue about certain topics (abortion) as if the issue is black and white. It is really not black, white, or red. It is grey. Grey. No one can be correct and there is no right answer. I don't care if your science says you're right or your religion says you're right. I don't care.
I just want us to understand each other.


But I guess that just isn't going to happen, is it?

Another Art Dump

Doing these bone creatures with spikes and malicious teeth really helps me take the edge off of the day. I can forget everything when my pencil brushes the paper, stabs the paper, flicks the paper, darkens the paper, whispers to the paper "everything is alright".



Skull #1 is a badger's skull. I bought it on a family vacation and has since lived on my shelf and on my desk at home.
Skull #2 is a muskrat's skull. I bought it on my boyfriend and mine's adventures to Seattle. It, too, has lived at home, but hasn't ever felt at home.
The bumblebee doesn't know which skull to build its nest in and has given up.



Fast food. We all eat it. At first it is a wonderful taste, hearty and delightfully textured. A soft tortilla, crisp lettuce, juicy burger, crunchy fried chicken... it is only after the food has been eaten that one truly regrets their meal. Sitting in an angry lump in your stomach, it excretes a terrible feeling of sickness and lethargy. The food that you've just eaten is dishonest. It was unwrapped from a package, which was taken out of a box, which was unloaded from a truck... before that, the "food" was unceremoniously pressed by a machine, flash frozen, and shoved into boxes so that disgruntled workers who are paid minimum wage could deep fry it, assemble it, and stuff it in a bag (along with paper napkins, single-serving condiments, and individually wrapped straws a-plenty). All so that you could eat it and feel like trash.
Vultures have a prettier diet.

New Art, New Game, New Outlook

Hello, all, and once again I welcome you to another thrilling installation of Maranda mopes about life!
...
No, I'm totally kidding. I had you going though, didn't I?
Truth is, things are again looking up. I experienced a lull in creativity and zest for life. As of now, however, I cannot find a reason to be sad. My classes are going well, I've finally got a nice computer setup, Stark is amazing as always, and my new job at the pet store is becoming more and more thrilling by the moment. (Well, the idea of it, anyway. I have until the 10th!)
I've also started to play Final Fantasy XIV online. A while ago when a lot of my friends mentioned the game, talked about its reviews and new features, I just shrugged it off. At that time it was another one of those things that I would never play or get into. But as time went by, I decided that I wanted to be involved, and by golly, I am. My character is a tall and mysterious-looking elf woman named Peregrinne Listair. At this point I am thoroughly enjoying myself. Even if the game is a bit slow at times, I still find the game's world captivating. Even if I run out of monsters to slay or quests to take, Peregrinne will sit down with Ardel (Stark's character) and watch the sun rise over the plateaus. As odd as it sounds, this game lets me feel closer to Stark when we're apart. (It helps that Ardel looks a lot like him, too. Haha.)





FFXIV aside, I have also been neglecting to show you guys some of my new art. This cannot BE! So here are a couple of my newer pieces worthy of display. I hope you enjoy them.




I'll let you enjoy them with no explanation. :3
I've come to realize, slowly, that I am an odd creature when it comes to my moods. Often, one bad event will put me in a sour mood for the rest of the day. Then, of course, even the best of days are coated with that sour film. I've come to realize that this nature of mine is toxic to my well-being. It stiffens my sense of humor, tires out my body, and stresses my mind. One day I thought to myself, this is no way to live. This must stop. And almost as soon as I thought that, I felt better. I found myself more flexible and able to shrug off mild displeasures. I'm recovering from pessimism. It is a poisonous place to be in when you're a pessimist. I know that I don't want to be one... and even if it is a conscious effort to remain free of self-instilled-negativity, I won't become one.
That is not how I am going to choose how to live.
As Gandalf said to Frodo when he wished the Ring had never come to him, "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." I don't think any words have impacted me as much as these have. To me, they remind me to choose the life you want to live. Make the best with what you are given, because it's all you've got. Decisions are what make us us.

Thanks again for reading. I leave you with a quote.

"Not knowing when the dawn will come I open every door." --Emily Dickinson

What I'm Doing

Hello, all!
In the life of Maranda, things are looking up at last. I've told my parents of my plans to finish my first half of college and then move into my boyfriend's house in order to take a year off and build a portfolio for an art school. (I'm thinking Digipen now, sound cool? yeah!) They don't seem keen on it, but I feel better with them knowing the truth. If it's anything I hate it's keeping things that are important in my life from the ones I love. It drives me insane!
That aside, I'm also very excited about school. My classes are about as liberal-artsy as you can get. Yoga, poetry, design, and French. Whooo, man, you definitely can't tell what I'M majoring in, eh?
In my world of art, things are going as usual. I'm working on some new stuff for an art show on the 25th. Here's one! Left my camera at Stark's, so here's a really disappointing webcam shot. Oh well, it's not even done. Here ya go anyway!


It started as "I have nothing to do while Stark plays a card game, so um... here's a bird I guess. Whoah yeah let's paint it!" Most of my best pieces start out with little to no planning and evolve as they're done. Hopefully this one's no exception.
I'm also working on another crazy collage dead animal sculpture. People seem to like them for some reason. :D The link is Tally, my first one. I still need to upload Furlough and Agatha. For another day!
Best of all, this news comes to you with great joy.
...
...
pause for dramatic effect...
...


I QUIT THE DELI JOB!
Yes indeed! I worked my little tail off and got two interviews: one at a pet store and one at a craft store: two places I adore to be. The pet store gave me a job first so that is where I am headed to. I'm a dog bather. =D Well, starting in October anyway. The location is perfect, the hours work, and I get to spend all day with dogs. It's a win, win, win, win, and possibly win situation.

So that is where I stand and I promise to have some new art updates up soon. Thanks a bunch for reading. :3

It's Been a While

Hello, what readers I still may (or may not) have.
I hate to keep posting these "I'm too busy lately to blog", but I'm afraid that's what this is. :( Stark and I have been working overtime on our large order of Dice Sprites, school is starting on the 20th, and on the 25th I still have that art festival (which I am very excited for). I've got my work cut out for me this coming month. Not to mention actual work! My deli job is still crap, but at least I'm growing calluses. After a slight emotional breakdown one day, ever since then I've been harder to bother and my hide's grown in thickness (not including that incident with cold, smelly chicken grease... almost barfed, lol).
That aside, I'm hanging in there. I'm living in the moment and getting through each day trying to stay stress-free. In a year, I have no idea where I'll be. In a week, I don't know. Heck, I don't even know the plan for tomorrow. It's a bit disheartening, in a way, but I must keep reminding myself that I'll always have the three things that are most important to me. The people I surround myself with (Stark, parents, friends), my art, and the company of animals. As long as I have those (and the living necessities, of course) I'll be fine no matter what I'm doing or where I'm living. It's a constant effort to remind myself of this fact. I'm going to believe Stark when he tells me that I am strong and capable, and I'll overcome everything that comes in my way.
That's basically all I have to say at this point, but even if you didn't read it, here's a screenshot of something I'm working on on-and-off.

There Will Come a Day When We Transcend Our Pain

...until that day, take it easy on yourself.
--Weezer

Hello, readers!
Many things to tell you and little time to do it. To make things short I shall count the ways. (Somehow I am reminded of Rodger Rabbit at this moment. One one thousand, two one thousand...) Anyway.

•My partner in crime Stark and I have turned Dice Sprites from a cute hobby to a serious money-maker. Conventions, super-intense crafting sessions, and a fridge full of food are in our future. But best of all I get to see him giddy with artistic inspiration because of his newfound passion: sculpting. Art is meant to be shared and I am happiest when I see his eyes light up with a new idea or when he hugs me tight exclaiming his excitement for our future.
•I still don't have my own computer. I'm coping well borrowing Stark's laptop and mom and dad's super-fancy desktop.
•I went to DragonFlight convention in Bellevue this past weekend and made a lot of new Sprites, which I shall share presently. Many thanks to my good friends Jean and Rob for the table space.
•Lastly: I will no longer be known as Kirai. Kirai was the name I used when I drew Anime fanart. Now I am just Maranda Cromwell, comfortable with my true identity. To be completely honest, the name Kirai never sat right with me. I always assumed it because I was "stuck" with it when I decided to sign my art with it when I was 14. It means "hate" in Japanese. At this stage in my life I am over hate and I am over trying to fit into a niche that I don't fit into. I'm giving up my facade and using my real name: my real self.


And now, Sprites!



















See? We've been busy. If you want to learn the stories of all the Sprites seen here and a sad incident with a Fumble Monster, click here to visit the Facebook album.

There is other news, but for now I will keep it at this. I will be busy changing everything from Maranda "Kirai" Cromwell to just Maranda Cromwell.
Thank you again for reading. :3

Meditations

Everyone's got their own way of eliminating, ignoring, and confronting stress. Some people go for a long drive with the windows down and music blaring, some people watch their favorite movie over and over, and others (like me) meditate.
I haven't done much meditations in my life. To deal with stress and hardships I normally just dealt with it in a usual way. But lately, I've wanted something more. So this is what I did.
I laid out some pretty silk handkerchiefs and a scarf I bought in France. I set up a diorama of sorts which included a few of my favorite objects to look at. A skeleton key, a couple animal skulls, beads, stones, feathers, bones, candles, a goblet full of water. I set a bundle of sage on fire and let it smolder as I leaned back, closed my eyes, and focused on my breathing.
It's not often I can not think about anything. It's the hardest thing to not think. Having a blank mind almost never happens for me. But I came close tonight. Breathing in and out deeply, noticing how my body moved as I relaxed, smelling the sage...
Needless to say, I overcame my bad day at work very well. Afterwards, stage two of my meditation began: painting and tea. Here's what I painted.

A simple portrait of my favorite animal in my favorite color scheme. Perfect for unwinding and loosing my pent-up negative feelings.
In my quest to become a freelance artist, I've discovered that at this point in my life that's not a very realistic career path. But I can still retreat into my art Zen mode to escape the world. That shall always remain.

Long Awaited

Lately I've been struggling with attempting to work on my art so I might be able to quit my terrible job. Recent events have led me to instead resolve to basically tough it out and stop being such a whiner.
That aside, Stark and I have been making boo-koo Dice Sprites and even have a spot in a nearby town's art festival in September. We've got our work cut out for us, but I am quite excited for it. An art career while working AND attending college is going to be quite an undertaking, but I have to make myself believe that I can do it.

And with that, I leave you with a crazy monster drawn on the back of my paycheck with a ballpoint pen.

Good News Bears

It's always a delightful feeling when
A) your fingers smell like fresh lavender
B) your boyfriend is coming home soon from a long trip
C) you got some new awesome things at the thrift store
and D) you earned 3x as much money selling art and manning a booth than one week's work at your crappy real job.
This is what I am going through now and I couldn't be happier. (Ok, well, it would be nice if my boyfriend was home NOW, but he's having fun and coming home soon anyway. <3)


Cornucopia Days was a huge success, if you hadn't gathered that already!
I had a lot of fun hanging out with Sandy and my friends who popped by to visit. Also, Chubby Kitten was my wingman the whole weekend. Here he is watching my purse while I grub out on ice cream. He fits perfectly inside my folding chair's cup holder.

Something else happened this weekend, too: and by "something" I do not mean "watching Sinbad Legend of the Seven Seas twice in 3 days", but it is rather along the lines of "a gift that made me feel more amazing than any gift has".
An old scraggly looking guy with missing front teeth bought one of my prints. He was cordial and polite and I liked him, even though he looked like a drugged-out ex-hippie who played wild-stringed guitars on the sidewalk. After he bought my print he left and came back a short while later with a little plastic bag.
"Here, a gift for you. Some of my art."
Inside was a black leather belt. Simple, stiff, with an unassuming silver buckle. But on the other side...
I nearly cried. This guy, a perfect stranger, went out of his way to not only support my art but also gift me this wonderful, touching message. It's people like him that reassure me that there are good people left in the world.

I'm extremely grateful to be surrounded by such interesting, kind, generous, fun, and loving people. This weekend also marks a huge step in my quest to become free from my job at the deli and another step towards my budding art business. I'm excited for the rest of my life.

Gumball Machine

Or should I say DICE MACHINE. AWW YEAH
My friend Jessie is super cool and is collecting dice to fill her cute little antique gumball machine with. She then commissioned me to do three Dice Sprites to be playing on it. I think the little triplets came out good! They're very silly.






In other news, I'm going to be selling a bunch of my art (and Sprites!) at a local street fair this weekend! Man, I am excited as all heck. I took some of my new art to the printing place and got some small prints made. I love hanging out with the print guys, too, they're just very personable and honest people. I packaged the prints at Browser's, my favorite shop, and I finally got to see Greg again. He's kind of like the grandfather or really cool uncle I never had. Growing up with no grandpas, that's kind of a big deal for me. Greg is awesome. Sadly I am not working in his booth this year, but I am going to be working for a nice lady named Sandy at her new little gift shop that moved in next door. Her store was quaint and cute, and she was very nice and excited to have some help for the fair. Not only am I going to be hanging out with fun people in beautiful weather, but I'm also getting eight dollars an hour PLUS anything I earn from my art. Cornucopia Days is probably my favorite thing about the summer!
If you live around the Kent, Washington area, be sure to stop by and say hi. :)

It's Only 5 Days

That's what I have to keep telling myself, lately. Only 5 days. My boyfriend's gone to a faraway place called California for a few days and I was unable to go with him. Sometimes I wish I had never gotten that job at that grocery store. Money is nice to have, but I miss my freedom. Then again, I am saving money to be able to move out in a year... Sigh. I am very torn. I'm giving up my freedom in order to have it later. I need to push aside my impatience and keep reminding myself how lucky I am to have a job and how much easier life will be if I have a nice fluffy money-cushion to fall back on. I'm just going to tough it out working all the time and selling art. Maybe at the moment I'm just bitter and resentful and sad. I need someone to blame for my not being able to leave with him: my job will make a lovely scapegoat. Sigh, again.
I imagine him driving in his truck, the windows down, the sun shining, the traffic (hopefully) light and fast. He is listening to the mix CD I made for him, he is thinking of me, he isn't worried and he is very much in love.

I think I need to watch a really sad/touching movie. Sometimes all you need is a good cry.

---

That aside, I've been working on a new website. It's got some typos and I need to include a new page or two, but that aside, it's coming along nicely. Wix has some cool website customization tools once you get over the fact that Flash is garbage. Maybe soon I can start paying for my own domain name, or transfer the website to my old one, www.colorsmith.com/kirai. Either would be fine with me. In the end, this is a major work-in-progress.

Also new: more Sprites. Are you surprised?




If I weren't feeling very lazy at the moment I would resize those photos...
The top Sprite is going to his new home soon: my good friend Jennise. His rainbow markings were all sorts of fun to paint, but my personal favorite is the sleeping one. I can imagine him sleeping on someone's computer screen, work desk, or dashboard. Once I get my boxes to ship them, the Sprites are going on my Etsy for sure.