I'm Forgetting

You know how when life gets labyrinthine, so grainy and messy and confusing... that you just want to hide? And then you forget yourself, what it means to BE yourself, and you just act on instinct. This is the story of me lately. My future is uncertain, as it always has been. This does present a lovely way to appreciate the paths that life takes us down. As Shreve Stockton put it in her book The Daily Coyote, "The jewels in this life are the events we do not plan". To an extent, I love this idea. Last April, I would never have guessed that one of my best friends would become even more dear to me. I would never have guessed that I'd be working at a pet store surrounded by animals and animal lovers, which led to my buying of a mountain horned dragon. (more on this later) Life is unexpected, and our willingness to accept changes and roll with the punches, to me, is a great way to judge one's character.
Lately, my character has gone to "optimistic adventurous" to "fearful pathetic". Being strong and confident for those around me is just a front. Inside, I fear the future. When I move to a college, how will I survive? Sure, tuition and my savings will pay for college itself, but what of living? Food, rent, insurance, gas, pets, medicine...



When I get this way, my art takes a strange turn. I've noticed that the less stable my life is, the lazier and more emotional my art is. I no longer have the patience to do pieces like "Banishment" or "The Hath'Kann Moth Rider". Now my art is sporadic, emotional, and frankly, not as good. It is more confusing and more spur-of-the-moment, and results in that odd situation when I have to fudge an explanation for confused viewers, because I don't even know why I do the paintings I do. My art is as confused as I am.



On a more positive note, I've been able to cope with much of this because of Jomo.



He's already proving to be a perfect little addition to my life. He's easygoing enough to not need constant supervision, but active and interesting enough to be a great pet. He's gotten used to taking crickets from me (with tongs or from my fingers), and he's fond of perching on heads. He's decided that his favorite spot to hang out at in my room is a lanyard hanging from my lamp. He clings to it with his uber-sharp nails and has even fallen asleep on it-- hanging completely vertically. When I talk to him, he looks me in the eye and tilts his head, trying to understand. He's exactly what I needed at this stage in my life. A personal little friend to relate to.

That being said, Jomo is a distraction. He can't solve financial issues or decide what sort of living arrangement I should get when I move. But he helps me cope just by being a complex little being who I can hold and admire. I'll get through this with personal dedication. I have to, therefore, I will.

Civil Rights

Thanks MLK, Malcolm X, and all the other courageous people who fought the odds. You're cool.

That aside, my life has been NUTS.
Stark moved in. Let's just say that his old house was unfit for living and he moved in with me and my folks. Not only am I amazingly happy to have him around all the time (more happy that we're not sick of each other!) but I think he's a lot happier not living in that old memory-prison. My tiny room is more cramped than ever, but I don't mind it really. Stark is my other half. I'm willing to compromise some of my "precious" space previously occupied by my "precious" things. (My "Donate to Value Village" bag is overflowing...)
Next year I'm leaving for college. Probably at Western Washington University. Small, cute, liberal, artsy, (hopefully) cheap rent. Tuition shouldn't be an issue, books I can find cheap, it's just the cost of living that is worrying me. Also, more heart-wrenching, Stark. Can't afford school and the job market isn't his friend. I'm worried he cannot come with me and we'd be separated by 2 hours of highway driving... One night, though, at a moment of strain, he reassured me that he will follow me anywhere. I believe he will.


On a more fun note, I have bought myself a mountain horned dragon. Because of the guys at my petstore calling him "Joe Montana", we have called him Jomo. It's punchy, cute, and perfect for him! I am coming to find that animals have a more spiritual effect on me than ever before. An example... last night I spilled hot beeswax all over my sketchbook and rug, ruining the better part of both. I was upset. But holding Jomo and seeing his beautiful little mug, his skinny legs, the undeniable life that ran through him, the un-human qualities of a different sort of living being... I couldn't be upset. Especially after he jumped from my hand and onto my shoulder. Feeling, holding another creature has a meditative effect. I can't focus on anything but them, they're my responsibility and I have to keep them safe. "That which you tame you owe your life." Animals are always going to be a major part of my life. Always.

That is all at the moment, work is soon.

Some Happy Things

This song makes me cry every time I hear it.
My mother used to sing the first verse to me as a lullaby. On one hand I think it is funny, because the character thinks about women and drinking, and it amuses me that my mother would find this suitable for a lullaby. But on the other hand, I find this song irresistably beautiful. Every time I hear it, sing it, or even read the lyrics: I tear up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EoNd_maBbY

---

Here is another warm-fuzzy.
Cast aside all previous bias, all rational thought, and embrace the child-like and simply charming writing of Edward Lear.
(Poem and image credit: http://www.nonsenselit.org/Lear )



I
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,
'Good gracious! how you hop!
Over the fields and the water too,
As if you never would stop!
My life is a bore in this nasty pond,
And I long to go out in the world beyond!
I wish I could hop like you!'
Said the duck to the Kangaroo.

II
'Please give me a ride on your back!'
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.
'I would sit quite still, and say nothing but "Quack,"
The whole of the long day through!
And we'd go to the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,
Over the land and over the sea;--
Please take me a ride! O do!'
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.



III
Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
'This requires some little reflection;
Perhaps on the whole it might bring me luck,
And there seems but one objection,
Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold,
Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,
And would probably give me the roo-
Matiz!' said the Kangaroo.



IV
Said the Duck ,'As I sate on the rocks,
I have thought over that completely,
And I bought four pairs of worsted socks
Which fit my web-feet neatly.
And to keep out the cold I've bought a cloak,
And every day a cigar I'll smoke,
All to follow my own dear true
Love of a Kangaroo!'

V
Said the Kangaroo,'I'm ready!
All in the moonlight pale;
But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady!
And quite at the end of my tail!'
So away they went with a hop and a bound,
And they hopped the whole world three times round;
And who so happy, -- O who,
As the duck and the Kangaroo?

---

It really is the little things that help me get through the day. (And by "day" I mean "my 4-hour gap between classes at school".)

Episode III: An Update

Stanley. He's my muse.
Seriously, though, how could a stuffed animal turkey vulture with a fake moustache NOT be inspiring? Just look at this mug! That fashionable neck ruff, his cute little beady eyes... ahh. What a fine figure of a stuffed animal.




It is also crucial to rememer that You Can Always Trust a Snake. Especially yellow eyelash vipers, which may me the cutest venomous animal ever. I have decided this and thus it shall be. (I mean, really... eyelashes. Need I say more?)



These two are painted on a wonderful (albeit odd) surface called aquaboard. It's a super-absorbant, stiff, sort of toothy board that is all sorts of wonderful. The paints soak in quickly, but I find that you can almost always go back over it with a stiff brush and water to blend. I'm a fan.
AQUABOARD! Check it out if you like watercolors or goache.

And now, for a new episode of Maranda's life.

My New Job
I am now a dog grooming assistant! No more fried food, grease spills, incompetant managers, or unhappy shifts. I basically get paid to hang out with dogs all day and I earn a 40% commission from all my sales. I am blissing out about this, for sure. I must have racked up some excellent karma to get this gig. All six months of my suffering at the deli led to this! The world can be a fair place to be, after all. Between the puppies, people, and clean atmosphere... this new job is wonderous. Plain and simple. Life is looking up. I have also learned that English bulldog puppies are sleepiness incarnate. They get nap attacks like nobody's business. That kind of cuteness is unfair. It really is.

My Skin
Ever heard of burrows solution? Smells like: vinegar. Feels like: pond water! Makes my skin feel like: a goddess's.
Soaking cotton material in the solution and wearing it (cold, wet, jumping into a mountain lake at 3am) at first was not fun. Miserable, even. I have to do this odd treatment because of my dermatologist. Upon visiting him, I was told that I was to a) avoid Stark's house because of the cats and b) chill out! Because the stress was making my skin worse. So every day since then, I woke up early and jumped into a black garbage bag sandwich: burrows-solution-soaked cotton pajamas and me being the meaty bits. Cold! Cold! But half an hour later I was leaping out and moisturizing like a madwoman. The morning and evening ritual gives me time to reflect (and watch the best anime ever: Mushi-Shi). I find that waking up at 5:30am, slipping into icy clothes, and sitting still for half an hour gives me time to wake up and clear my mind. When I rush out of the door in the morning due to waking up 20 minutes before I have to be out the door, I find it hard to finalize thoughts or regard events with any significance. I float through my day in a haze and end up quite grumpy because of it. As odd as it sounds, freezing my butt off every morning really gets the juices flowing! (And wow, did that sound odd.)

That is all for now, friends.
Oh, and also, you should buy Dice Sprites for your friends for Christmas. Or whatever winter gift-giving holiday you celebrate.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/claymancers

Necessary Evil

Lately, on Facebook, some friends (and others) have been involved in heated debates. This is my response to it.



Making a tough decision-- to change your mind, to prevent a travesty, to save yourself-- does not make you a monster. It does not make you a beast, unholy, or immoral. Sometimes life calls for hard decisions. Understanding that some evils are necessary is fundamental to understanding each other as human beings. Life is hard, and we often make decisions we do not want to make.

It makes me SO sad that we continue to argue about certain topics (abortion) as if the issue is black and white. It is really not black, white, or red. It is grey. Grey. No one can be correct and there is no right answer. I don't care if your science says you're right or your religion says you're right. I don't care.
I just want us to understand each other.


But I guess that just isn't going to happen, is it?

What I'm Doing

Hello, all!
In the life of Maranda, things are looking up at last. I've told my parents of my plans to finish my first half of college and then move into my boyfriend's house in order to take a year off and build a portfolio for an art school. (I'm thinking Digipen now, sound cool? yeah!) They don't seem keen on it, but I feel better with them knowing the truth. If it's anything I hate it's keeping things that are important in my life from the ones I love. It drives me insane!
That aside, I'm also very excited about school. My classes are about as liberal-artsy as you can get. Yoga, poetry, design, and French. Whooo, man, you definitely can't tell what I'M majoring in, eh?
In my world of art, things are going as usual. I'm working on some new stuff for an art show on the 25th. Here's one! Left my camera at Stark's, so here's a really disappointing webcam shot. Oh well, it's not even done. Here ya go anyway!


It started as "I have nothing to do while Stark plays a card game, so um... here's a bird I guess. Whoah yeah let's paint it!" Most of my best pieces start out with little to no planning and evolve as they're done. Hopefully this one's no exception.
I'm also working on another crazy collage dead animal sculpture. People seem to like them for some reason. :D The link is Tally, my first one. I still need to upload Furlough and Agatha. For another day!
Best of all, this news comes to you with great joy.
...
...
pause for dramatic effect...
...


I QUIT THE DELI JOB!
Yes indeed! I worked my little tail off and got two interviews: one at a pet store and one at a craft store: two places I adore to be. The pet store gave me a job first so that is where I am headed to. I'm a dog bather. =D Well, starting in October anyway. The location is perfect, the hours work, and I get to spend all day with dogs. It's a win, win, win, win, and possibly win situation.

So that is where I stand and I promise to have some new art updates up soon. Thanks a bunch for reading. :3

It's Been a While

Hello, what readers I still may (or may not) have.
I hate to keep posting these "I'm too busy lately to blog", but I'm afraid that's what this is. :( Stark and I have been working overtime on our large order of Dice Sprites, school is starting on the 20th, and on the 25th I still have that art festival (which I am very excited for). I've got my work cut out for me this coming month. Not to mention actual work! My deli job is still crap, but at least I'm growing calluses. After a slight emotional breakdown one day, ever since then I've been harder to bother and my hide's grown in thickness (not including that incident with cold, smelly chicken grease... almost barfed, lol).
That aside, I'm hanging in there. I'm living in the moment and getting through each day trying to stay stress-free. In a year, I have no idea where I'll be. In a week, I don't know. Heck, I don't even know the plan for tomorrow. It's a bit disheartening, in a way, but I must keep reminding myself that I'll always have the three things that are most important to me. The people I surround myself with (Stark, parents, friends), my art, and the company of animals. As long as I have those (and the living necessities, of course) I'll be fine no matter what I'm doing or where I'm living. It's a constant effort to remind myself of this fact. I'm going to believe Stark when he tells me that I am strong and capable, and I'll overcome everything that comes in my way.
That's basically all I have to say at this point, but even if you didn't read it, here's a screenshot of something I'm working on on-and-off.

There Will Come a Day When We Transcend Our Pain

...until that day, take it easy on yourself.
--Weezer

Hello, readers!
Many things to tell you and little time to do it. To make things short I shall count the ways. (Somehow I am reminded of Rodger Rabbit at this moment. One one thousand, two one thousand...) Anyway.

•My partner in crime Stark and I have turned Dice Sprites from a cute hobby to a serious money-maker. Conventions, super-intense crafting sessions, and a fridge full of food are in our future. But best of all I get to see him giddy with artistic inspiration because of his newfound passion: sculpting. Art is meant to be shared and I am happiest when I see his eyes light up with a new idea or when he hugs me tight exclaiming his excitement for our future.
•I still don't have my own computer. I'm coping well borrowing Stark's laptop and mom and dad's super-fancy desktop.
•I went to DragonFlight convention in Bellevue this past weekend and made a lot of new Sprites, which I shall share presently. Many thanks to my good friends Jean and Rob for the table space.
•Lastly: I will no longer be known as Kirai. Kirai was the name I used when I drew Anime fanart. Now I am just Maranda Cromwell, comfortable with my true identity. To be completely honest, the name Kirai never sat right with me. I always assumed it because I was "stuck" with it when I decided to sign my art with it when I was 14. It means "hate" in Japanese. At this stage in my life I am over hate and I am over trying to fit into a niche that I don't fit into. I'm giving up my facade and using my real name: my real self.


And now, Sprites!



















See? We've been busy. If you want to learn the stories of all the Sprites seen here and a sad incident with a Fumble Monster, click here to visit the Facebook album.

There is other news, but for now I will keep it at this. I will be busy changing everything from Maranda "Kirai" Cromwell to just Maranda Cromwell.
Thank you again for reading. :3

Meditations

Everyone's got their own way of eliminating, ignoring, and confronting stress. Some people go for a long drive with the windows down and music blaring, some people watch their favorite movie over and over, and others (like me) meditate.
I haven't done much meditations in my life. To deal with stress and hardships I normally just dealt with it in a usual way. But lately, I've wanted something more. So this is what I did.
I laid out some pretty silk handkerchiefs and a scarf I bought in France. I set up a diorama of sorts which included a few of my favorite objects to look at. A skeleton key, a couple animal skulls, beads, stones, feathers, bones, candles, a goblet full of water. I set a bundle of sage on fire and let it smolder as I leaned back, closed my eyes, and focused on my breathing.
It's not often I can not think about anything. It's the hardest thing to not think. Having a blank mind almost never happens for me. But I came close tonight. Breathing in and out deeply, noticing how my body moved as I relaxed, smelling the sage...
Needless to say, I overcame my bad day at work very well. Afterwards, stage two of my meditation began: painting and tea. Here's what I painted.

A simple portrait of my favorite animal in my favorite color scheme. Perfect for unwinding and loosing my pent-up negative feelings.
In my quest to become a freelance artist, I've discovered that at this point in my life that's not a very realistic career path. But I can still retreat into my art Zen mode to escape the world. That shall always remain.

Long Awaited

Lately I've been struggling with attempting to work on my art so I might be able to quit my terrible job. Recent events have led me to instead resolve to basically tough it out and stop being such a whiner.
That aside, Stark and I have been making boo-koo Dice Sprites and even have a spot in a nearby town's art festival in September. We've got our work cut out for us, but I am quite excited for it. An art career while working AND attending college is going to be quite an undertaking, but I have to make myself believe that I can do it.

And with that, I leave you with a crazy monster drawn on the back of my paycheck with a ballpoint pen.

Good News Bears

It's always a delightful feeling when
A) your fingers smell like fresh lavender
B) your boyfriend is coming home soon from a long trip
C) you got some new awesome things at the thrift store
and D) you earned 3x as much money selling art and manning a booth than one week's work at your crappy real job.
This is what I am going through now and I couldn't be happier. (Ok, well, it would be nice if my boyfriend was home NOW, but he's having fun and coming home soon anyway. <3)


Cornucopia Days was a huge success, if you hadn't gathered that already!
I had a lot of fun hanging out with Sandy and my friends who popped by to visit. Also, Chubby Kitten was my wingman the whole weekend. Here he is watching my purse while I grub out on ice cream. He fits perfectly inside my folding chair's cup holder.

Something else happened this weekend, too: and by "something" I do not mean "watching Sinbad Legend of the Seven Seas twice in 3 days", but it is rather along the lines of "a gift that made me feel more amazing than any gift has".
An old scraggly looking guy with missing front teeth bought one of my prints. He was cordial and polite and I liked him, even though he looked like a drugged-out ex-hippie who played wild-stringed guitars on the sidewalk. After he bought my print he left and came back a short while later with a little plastic bag.
"Here, a gift for you. Some of my art."
Inside was a black leather belt. Simple, stiff, with an unassuming silver buckle. But on the other side...
I nearly cried. This guy, a perfect stranger, went out of his way to not only support my art but also gift me this wonderful, touching message. It's people like him that reassure me that there are good people left in the world.

I'm extremely grateful to be surrounded by such interesting, kind, generous, fun, and loving people. This weekend also marks a huge step in my quest to become free from my job at the deli and another step towards my budding art business. I'm excited for the rest of my life.

A Collection of Enrichments

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." - Gandalf the Grey
"Without you, today's emotions would be the scurf of yesterday's." - Amélie
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart." - Confucius

"Everything will be fine. I promise."


It's days like this one that I need to pamper myself with good movies, inspirational imagery, light sweet foods, and the support of my loved ones. Maybe you'll take something from these quotes as well. I wish you a beautiful day of comfort: may you catch glimpses of uncommon beauty and cultivate an appreciation for the little things that make living worthwhile.

Blow Out the Candles

When canines get scared, they appear angry and defensive. They're just trying to protect themselves and fend off potential danger.

I fear certain changes in my life, currently. This painting was basically me telling myself "It's alright to be scared, but things will be fine. Patience."

I always turn to maned wolves when I need to do inward reflections. They're the easiest and the most stress-free thing I can draw or paint, and when I draw/paint, I am focused.
So thanks, maned wolves.